Category Archives: Ry-tron

It’s time the taboo was busted. HA HA HA HA, the Female Condom.

The dream catcher. The mosquito net. The rubber Jenny. These are all well used, and well known nicknames for the “femi-dom”, or the ‘Female Condom.

Mosquito net

There is much stigma surrounding the female condom. Its is, for some reason, seen as some kind of a joke, as the less ‘cool’, more hilarious sibling of the male Condom- like a rubber Stephen Baldwin if you will. But, these myths need to be dispelled. During my personal use (three times with two different girls), i have never had a single bad experience with the Female Condom. As it is inserted prior to the sexual act itself, there is no awkward moment where the male has to put a condom on, which can kill the heat of the moment and lead to the uttering of the second most feared phrase “i dont really feel like it anymore”. Or, speaking from personal experience here, if a male has to turn on a light to fetch a condom from a drawer, it can even lead to the single most feared phrase “your not really as attractive in the light. Im going home now.”

Furthermore, if your boat is floated by the use of lubricatnts (hey, I’m not judging), even oil based ones can be used as a femi-dom is not made of latex and so will not perish, leading to pregnancy, unlike the condom.

No, thank you.

As for particular brands, i do have my favourites of course. The ‘Pasante’ is naturally the pack leader, “now softer and more sensual”- a hefty claim, but one i can back up. I have personally experienced a 50% increase in sensation and a 75% (!) increase in softness, as compared to a normal Durex male condom- even ‘featherlite’.

So, i can whole heartedly reccomend the Female Condom- especially Pasante. Fellas: Once you use these im sure will not go back to male condoms. Ladies: you’ll enjoy them too (as speculated based on feedback personally received).

Pillow Girlfriend vs Real Girlfriend

A Pillow Girlfriend

by Ry-tron

Lonely? Heartbroken? Wallowing in a crater of self pity, with only the pixelated, hollow eyes of a barely legal, drug addled porn star on a laptop screen for company? Yes I was.

So, in an, now blatantly futile and extremely confused, attempt to free myself from the shackles of my new found loneliness, after the break-up with my year-long girlfriend,  I decided to create a companion. The recipe was simple, take one pillow, one jumper left behind by said ex-girlfriend (preferably with remaining scent), one football (the head), and other accessories as desired- I personally plumped for jewellery and a wine glass held on by cello tape. And there she was, my very own pillow girlfriend. My pill-hoe. This is the story of my brief but deeply important relationship with my fabric beau, and hey, why not? How to pursue your own textile love affair.

Disclaimer: Now I feel it’s necessary to point out here that this venture was in no way a sexual one. The main reason, amongst many, being the depression brought on by any attempt at sexual gratification at that point in my life. However, this was to cure my lonely heart on strictly a-sexual terms. Please use pillow girlfriends responsibly.

So, how did my brand new pillow girlfriend stack up against my actual real life ex-girlfriend? In terms of the company they provide it was a close contest. Although it may seem like a no brainer, after all, the company of a virtual girlfriend is no match for a reality girlfriend with actual words. But, the power of ‘no answer means yes’ or, as I chose, simply using a magic eight ball to generate answers, can actually lead to stimulating conversation. The added bonus of being able to tell her anything, like the fact you create people from furniture decorations then tell them secrets for example, without the fear of seeming weird.

We spent what felt like an eternity of happiness together. We talked for hours, about our greatest loves and our deepest fears, but predominantly ‘yes’, ‘no’ and ‘ask again later’.  We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons, well indoors as I felt public opinion wouldn’t favour our relationship. But, here on public record, I whole-heartedly endorse pillow girlfriends, wives and even sons and daughters.

It was, without exaggeration, the best relationship of my life. But, alas, my new found happiness was destined not to last. And, in a twist of fate worthy of Shakespeare or the Hardy Brothers, our love story came to an end. It was time for bed and I needed her torso for head support.